Understanding and Supporting Teens Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts and Self-Harm: A Guide for Parents
Working with teens as a mental health therapist, I’ve seen how difficult it can be for both parents and teenagers when mental health challenges become part of family life. One of the toughest topics is teen suicidal ideation and self-harm. It’s a sensitive subject, but approaching it with openness and compassion can be the first step in finding a way forward. In this post, I’ll outline ways parents can provide support, including some guidance on the tough question of whether to remove sharp items. I’ll also share some alternative coping strategies for teens who self-harm.
Why Teens Self-Harm
Teens turn to self-harm, such as cutting, for various reasons. Sometimes, it’s a way to manage overwhelming emotions, feel a sense of control, or cope with intense psychological pain. For others, it’s a release or a physical expression of their emotional state, and, while self-harming is not the same as a suicide attempt, it can increase the risk of suicide if the underlying issues remain unaddressed (National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI).
Most parents feel understandably alarmed if they discover their child is engaging in self-harm. It’s natural to wonder whether taking away sharp objects will help or hinder your child’s progress.
Signs of Self-Harm:
Unexplained Injuries: Cuts, burns, or bruises that your teen can't or won't explain might be signs of self-harm.
Frequent Bandages or Long-Sleeve Clothing: If your teen frequently wears long sleeves or bandages in warm weather, it may be to hide injuries.
Withdrawal from Activities: Teens who withdraw from activities they once enjoyed may be experiencing distress that could lead to self-harm.
Social Isolation: Changes in behavior, like avoiding friends or social events, may be signs they’re struggling emotionally.
Understanding these indicators doesn’t mean jumping to conclusions. However, it’s essential to have open and honest conversations with your teen if you notice these behaviors.
Common Misconceptions About Self-Harm
One misconception many parents hold is that self-harm means a child is attempting suicide. While self-harm and suicidal ideation can be related, they aren’t always connected in the way people might think.
Self-Harm Isn’t Always Suicidal Intent: Many teens report using self-harm as a way to cope, to feel something instead of emotional numbness, or to express internal pain. According to the Mayo Clinic, self-harm is often more about relief than a direct wish to die. However, this behavior still needs to be addressed because it signifies underlying emotional distress.
Taking Away Sharp Objects Doesn’t Address Root Causes: When parents discover that a teen is using sharp objects to self-harm, their first instinct might be to remove those items. However, taking them away can lead teens to find alternative methods, and it can sometimes feel punitive, reinforcing their sense of isolation. Instead, focusing on underlying emotional needs and encouraging healthy coping mechanisms is more beneficial in the long term.
Wearing Safety Pins as Symbols of Support: You may notice teens wearing safety pins on necklaces or other forms of jewelry. In many cases, this is part of a larger movement in which people wear safety pins as a sign of solidarity or as a reminder of their commitment to self-care. Some teens use this as a discreet way to seek support or to remind themselves to stay safe. If your teen is wearing a safety pin, it might be worth a gentle conversation to understand its meaning to them, but don’t immediately assume it’s related to self-harm.
What Parents Can Do
Focus on Building Trust: Building a trusting, open relationship can go a long way. Let your teen know you’re there to support them, even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through. Avoid judgment and, instead, show empathy and compassion.
Encourage Professional Support: A licensed therapist trained in adolescent mental health can provide invaluable tools and strategies. Therapists can work with your teen on developing healthier coping mechanisms, processing complex emotions, and reducing the frequency of self-harm over time.
Consider Safe Coping Alternatives: Rather than only focusing on taking things away, you can work with your teen and their therapist to develop alternative strategies. Some options include practicing deep breathing, doing physical activities, or creative outlets such as drawing or writing.
Monitor but Don’t Police: Balance is key. Keep an eye on your teen’s activities without becoming overly controlling. This can be challenging, but being consistent in your presence and support while respecting their privacy can help them feel understood.
Alternatives to Cutting: Helping Teens Find Healthy Coping Mechanisms
One of the best things you can do is encourage alternative coping mechanisms. Below are some healthy, research-backed strategies that can help a teen express or redirect emotions instead of engaging in self-harm:
Physical Alternatives: Exercise, running, or even punching a pillow can help teens release pent-up frustration or anger in a safe way. Physical activity has been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety (Mayo Clinic).
Creative Expression: Drawing, writing, painting, or playing music can allow teens to channel their feelings. Creative expression has therapeutic effects and can help in processing emotions that are otherwise challenging to verbalize.
Grounding Techniques: Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or sensory grounding (e.g., holding ice cubes or taking a cold shower) can help bring teens back to the present moment and reduce the intensity of overwhelming emotions.
Sensory Substitutes: Some teens find that snapping a rubber band on their wrist, rubbing their arm with a soft object, or holding ice provides a similar sensory experience without causing harm.
Encourage your teen to experiment with these different strategies and figure out which one resonates most. It’s also worth noting that recovery isn’t always a straight path, and setbacks are common. Encourage them to keep trying and remind them that professional help is available.
Supporting Your Teen Through Difficult Times
If your teen is struggling with suicidal ideation, it’s essential to take it seriously. Reach out to mental health professionals, encourage open communication, and build a support network within your family. Educate yourself about mental health resources like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) or the Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741), which provide 24/7 support in times of crisis.
Addressing suicidal ideation and self-harm in teens can be a tough journey, but as a parent, your support, patience, and willingness to understand what your teen is going through can make a difference. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and lean on professionals to support your teen’s healing process. You’re not alone, and with the right resources, there’s hope for both you and your teen to find a healthier, brighter future.
References:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). (n.d.). Self-Harm. NAMI
Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). Exercise and mental health.
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